Reflections of a Reverend
by gilbertpritchard
Summary: Parris, just before act 4, realises that Abby is the true monster, and that he must save those he condemned. Meant to challenge invited readings of the play.


**Just a crucible monologue I had to write for English. It is from Parris' perspective, just before act 4. Enjoy!**

[kneeling at his bed, hands clasped in prayer] Oh Lord, give strength to Abigail, who have left Salem in unwarranted fear for her life. I pray that the growing faction against your law in Salem should soon be put down forever through today's hangings, and faith in you return to Andover, where they have thrown out not only the court, but you, Lord. I pray... [his eyes have drifted over to the mantel, where his strong box lies, lid slightly askew. Hands shaking, he gets up] Impossible... It cannot be.

[with fear] Thirty one pounds, my life savings.[dread] Thirty one pounds is missing, we are ruined! I cannot afford this home without my savings. Betty and I shall be cast out onto the street, we will be homeless. Betty's health is too delicate for that, she would die of exposure. What am I to do? Who... [anger showing through sorrow] Who could have done this? What despicable creature would steal so much, why, it is enough to set up a new life! [with dawning realization] Abigail. If she did go on a ship as Betty says, she would need money...money to set up a new life [with realisation rather than anger] Abigail took it. But why didn't she ask for my help? Out of fear no doubt. Oh the poor child, driven to steal from the contempt of the village, who turn against the one who strived so hard to rid our community of sin, who say she goes to far to condemn Goody Nurse. Yet, if she had just confided in me I could have protected her from those who doubt her honesty, why the girl has never lied in her life! [anger fading into uncertainty] Except to me. She was not honest with me, did not confide in me these fears, but stole. Could her lack of faith in me imply guilt. Could they have truly discovered dishonesty in her, both in Andover and here? Was she running away from the consequence of lies? Did she the spirits up? Was Mary Warren telling the truth, Proctor not trying to undermine the court but bring justice to it, have I failed to do my duty as minister to my people, to show them the truth?

[Reassuring himself] No. One could see that Mary was only in that court room by Proctor's force, perceive that she did not want to say anything against the trials... Unless she was honest but afraid of Abby accusing her a witch. No, no, Mary was cold when I picked her up, one can not fake that! And Proctor had good reason to go against the court! His contempt for me alone could provoke an attack upon the court and thereby my reputation. People have hung, surely Abby would not joke about something so serious, would not lie. I raised her as my own, she is an innocent child! I cannot have failed my people.

Yet if what Proctor says about their past is true, she would have just reason to accuse Goody Proctor in vengeance... and she has proved capable of lying. She did not tell me the extent of the rumors about John Proctor, be they true or false... And... And she was not honest about her dancing in the woods... Her story changed many times.

[Voice low with comprehensive anger now] Yes, she have good reason to lie, and though I would not, could not bare believe it true, I am afraid I must. She be damned now, for one does not give such false testimony and live in God's favour. Our Lord damns all liars, and she has lied, betrayed me! [with sudden realisation] These trials are nought but a monstrous lie! They are all innocent.

Oh! [ with despair; panting with hand to chest} My conviction, both in the court and in myself, has left me! Oh [sobbing now] what have I done! My God, my Lord, when did I leave your holy path? For this is surely not your desire, it is your commandment that man should not kill one another. And it is my word now that has killed so many. I have let my contempt for Proctor blind me from the light of truth you sent through him, Lord! And now he is to die by it! And, oh, Goody Nurse as well. Their hearts are surely more pure than mine. I am a murderer! What is to be done? How can I ever repent my sins?

[his sorrow leaving with sudden inspiration] I must stop this. Save at least one innocent life with the truth. I must get Danforth to postpone the hangings, and stop this madness, save my soul. The only way out may be to confess, but they will not die by me.

[Opening the door hurriedly, a dagger clatters to the ground] A sign that all is not well in Salem. Are you trying to punish me, Lord, for my mistakes? You have no need, I will help the accused, will save them if I can. If only you can forgive me for my failure as minister, for what I have already done.


End file.
